I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
