Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
