i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so explain again why im purple
no
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
