And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
