She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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