8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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