I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
