i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
