Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize