i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
