I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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