You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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