Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
