I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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