Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
