So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
