I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
