Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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