1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
