You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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