I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
