pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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