Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
