I'm pants shitting drunk right now
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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