Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
