Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
