Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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