I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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