got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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