So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do vagina's smell?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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