worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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