I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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