U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
stop calling my apartment porn island.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
