so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
