I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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