I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
