I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
