Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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