chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
