"it" just moved
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize