I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
