quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
