he puts the penis in happiness.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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