i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
