Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
