I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
