So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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