Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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