I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
