my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i need some magic done to my vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
