so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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