does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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