They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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