FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it's like iHOP with fire
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
