Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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