What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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