Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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