i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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