Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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