we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
