Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
