He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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