Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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