dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
