also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
