you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
