Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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