How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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