oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
