marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
